The worst fight I’ve ever had was completely silent. If anyone had seen me in that moment, they wouldn’t have suspected anything. I looked calm, composed, even somewhat serene. As for the fight, I was fighting with an actual person, who was responding to me, at whom I was yelling, who was yelling back. There was a slight moment when my eyes got a little teary, but apart from that, the surface was calm…everything was happening in my head.
How ridiculous is that? I was mad at someone, yet the circumstances didn’t allow for a full blown fight with that person. So instead of keeping all those feelings inside, I had the fight I needed to have in order to release my feelings, I just had it in my had. Don’t be fooled, it was a real fight as far as I was concerned. There was yelling and screaming, there were words that one only says when they’re mad, there were tears, ultimatums, conclusions, decisions…and everything that comes with that. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, I was quiet, still…like one of those volcanic lakes that go undisturbed for years. Inside I was like the volcano that ended up creating that still lake.
The funny thing was that the next time I saw that person after my imaginary fight, I felt like I needed to apologize for the words I said, and then I realized that in the reality that united us, the words never existed, I had never yelled, they had never yelled back. And then there were those other times when the fight wasn’t finished in my head, so the second I saw that person and they said something, it all just came out. Here they were saying things like: “Hey, how’s your weekend? Do you have any cool things planned?” and there I was flipping out about it, well not actually about that, but about the entire fight I had in my head and they had completely missed.
I can’t really remember the last silent fight I’ve had, now I’ve moved on to fights in person or even better over text message…those are definitely the best. Especially with the new phones that don’t even have keyboards. You want to hit those keys hard with your fingers, but all you’re hitting is a screen that reacts exactly the same whether you tap it lightly or you slam your finger into it. Just 10 years ago, you could actually slam the phone on someone when fighting over the phone…Seriously, do you remember how good it felt to hang up on someone 10 years ago. They would actually hear the slam before the call got disconnected. Now if you want to hang up on someone, you have to lightly touch the screen…lightly!!! As if that helps you in any way! Most of the times, people don’t even realize when someone hangs up on them. They just think the cell service is bad or the call got somehow disconnected.
Doors open and close automatically, phones don’t have receivers or buttons to slam, so we resort to silent fighting. We yell in our heads, we slam doors, and phones in this virtual reality that only happens inside our heads.
What are we supposed to do with all that unreleased anger?